Sleep (Part 2)

I really miss blogging, even though I’m new to this, and have only posted a few blogs, I miss it. I really find it relaxing to write what’s on my mind, how I’m feeling, and things I’m currently or have gone through in the past. I believe my second or third blog post was about how I wasn’t ready to let Ava sleep in her own room, and at four months, I’m still NOT READY! I didn’t think it would be so hard for me to do this! Before I had her, Sam and I had a game plan of how we were going to “sleep train” her and that we’d only have her sleeping in our room for the first 2 months… blah blah blah! I just love her so much and I love having her sleep next to me. It gives me a sense of peace. So, she’s four months now and she has started developing her personality a little bit (I love it). This past week, she’s been giving me trouble for bed time. When it’s approaching, I change her into her pjs, I feed her, and she’ll usually fall asleep while she’s still at the breast. I pull her away and bring her to my shoulder for a few minutes, and I would then bring her to our room and lay her down in her bassinet. That has worked up until recently. Now, when I go to place her in her bassinet, she immediately wakes up. It isn’t until the third try that she doesn’t wake up. Some might say that I should leave her in her bassinet and she’ll fall right back asleep, but I just feel the need to hold her and pat her back to sleep. But I feel like she may be getting a little to used to it, like she’s catching on that mommy will pick her up the moment she makes a peep. I don’t want her to get spoiled in this way, so tonight, I’m trying something new. She fell asleep after her feeding, and I did the usual routine. She woke up, I picked her up, repeated, she woke up again, I picked her up. So, I decided to try again with the nunie at bed time. She really doesn’t like the thing, but why not try to see if she’ll use it to soothe herself to sleep. I can tell you right now, that the experiment is failing as she is currently crying haha… We are first time parents, so I figure we should do trial and error with her sleep routine to find what works best. And I want what’s best for my little princess! So, we’ll see how this whole thing works out! 

Sleep

I’ve been thinking that the time is coming for Ava to sleep in her crib. At her 2 month check-up, her doctor suggested that we should do it sooner rather than later because it may get harder the longer we wait. I just don’t think I’m ready! I love having her sleep next to us in her bassinet. I’m trying to prepare myself mentally and emotionally… I think I may have separation anxiety… Anyway, I wrote this in my notes the other night when we made our first attempt at having Ava sleep in her room:

I totally failed. Tonight, I thought Ava would be sleeping in her crib, in her nursery that I spent so much time trying to make dainty and beautiful for her. Well, that didn’t happen. I checked on her one more time, and Sam and I were off to bed. The monitors were on, and on full volume so I wouldn’t be able to miss even the littlest peep from her. We prayed and Sam told me not to worry, that she was going to be just fine and that I needed to stop staring and listening intently to the monitor. Slowly, I began to close my eyes but I couldn’t let myself fall asleep. I knew I wasn’t going to sleep if Ava wasn’t in her bassinet next to our bed, so I caved. Sam was already snoring, so I woke him up and told him I couldn’t do it. I asked if it was ok to get her, and like the sweet and understanding hubby he is, he said yes. She was perfectly fine in her crib, sleeping like an angel, but it was me. I couldn’t do it, I wasn’t ready!! I kind of hesitated whether or not I should bring her back to our room, but I decided to get her anyway. Forget what the doctor, parenting books, and other parents say… Haha…Right? She’s my daughter…. I know it probably won’t get any easier, but she is our first. (Who am I kidding?! I’m a wimp!) This mommy business takes a toll on my emotions, and I’m already an over emotional human!  So now it’s almost midnight and here I am sitting in my bed with Ava in my arms. I didn’t think I’d be one of those clingy moms, but I guess I am… Pray for me…