Time

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For the next 18 years, we will have first days of schools; and I can’t wait to capture that smile every time, yes even when she goes off to her first day of college! She just started in Pre-K 3, and although she’s only going three days a week, there’s so much excitement in that little girl, with the big heart, big smile and out of this world personality! I absolutely love her enthusiasm for learning; she started asking about school when she was only two years old, seriously! It reminds me of the excitement I felt every year for my first days of school.

I vividly remember waking up super early, getting dressed and sitting on the couch, waiting for my mom to wake up and bring me to school.  She has that same excitement, maybe even a little more and I love it!

She just finished her first week and today started her second week.  Already, she has made friends and talks my ears off with how much fun she had at school! I want to remember these conversations. I want to engrain them forever in my mind to replay over and over. I want to remember the sound of her voice as she tells me everything she’s learned, because time doesn’t stop.

Sometimes, I wish I had the super power to stop it, rewind and replay these tender moments with not just Ava, but with all four of us! Oh, if only I could! I feel like just yesterday, Sam and I were bringing home these two little tiny humans, and just like that, they’re growing into fierce, bubbly, sweet and sometimes sour girls!

Our days go by so fast, some days are tougher and rougher than others, and there are days when I let the frustrations of the day get the best of me. While they’re throwing a tantrum, sometimes I boil up and yell in anger…and I forget that my girls are still little.  They’re still learning and growing. They’re still discovering their emotions, and I need to be there for them. I need to help them work through THEIR frustrations, and not get frustrated at them.

Some days I want to give myself a high five, because I calmly corrected them and successfully disciplined them without being angry. Other days I do it all wrong! However, in those times, I quickly feel conviction and bring myself back down to Earth. I remember:

“…You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” James 1:19 

My daughters are watching me, observing me, hearing me and copying the things I say and do. I want to set the right example for them and love them tenderly and reflect Jesus on them. They are young, and so are Sam and I in our parenting. We are all growing and learning together and I want to make the most out of the time that we have. Time is fleeting, and they’ll never be this little again. I don’t want to take anymore moments for granted and soak in the things they do and who they are!

My prayer is that we will be the parents that they need us to be. That we would show them how to walk with the Lord and how to love not just each other, but everyone else around them.

I pray that while Ava is in school, she is a light and is showing love to her classmates and my prayer will be the same for Addi when her time comes. As kids, we learn and are molded into the adults we are, by watching our parents and I don’t want to let them down. I know at times I will, because we’re not perfect, however, I’m trying my darn hardest!

Every day, my prayer is: “Jesus, be my portion!” I can only be successful if He is the source of my strength and the focus of my heart and life! I can only be the mother my girls need if He is my number ONE. With that said, I feel so blessed He chose me and has entrusted ME to raise these two beauties! So I want to do it right, and enjoy each and every moment!

Gotta be intentional

future-richWhen I was in middle school, I had already decided that I wanted to go into a career in medicine.

At first, I thought I wanted to be a doctor, but when I found out that I’d have to sell my soul to years and years of school, I settled on becoming a nurse (don’t judge me ha).

Finally, graduation day came and I had that, “I’m finally an adult!” excitement in my head… that was 10 years ago!! What?! I still can’t believe I’ve been out of high school for a decade now… I still feel so young at heart! Where does the time go?!

Anyway, to make a long story short, four universities later, I ended up graduating with a degree in American Studies (to become a history teacher later on). I got pregnant with my first daughter during my last semester in college and my husband and I decided that I should be a stay at home mom and postpone continuing education.

So, how did I go from nursing to teaching? And why on earth did I go to FOUR different universities?! What the heck?! Who does that?! I guess I do… I did that.

After I completed all the required courses before applying into the nursing programs, I applied three times, at three different schools and they all rejected me. That was a pretty big blow to my self esteem, because it immediately made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or smart enough (which obviously wasn’t true). I cried A LOT.  My husband kept encouraging me and after praying for the next steps for me to take, I ended up going to a counselor at the fourth school, to talk about what I could do next and with all of the credits I accumulated at the three previous schools I went to.

Before going in, I had decided long before, that if nursing hadn’t worked out, I’d want to be a teacher.  So after speaking with the counselor and going through all of my options, I took a fast track to a degree that would help me become a teacher through continuing education post undergrad.  At this point in my life, I had already been in college for 5 years and was ready to get the heck out! It was one of the best decisions I had made and actually enjoyed my last two semesters at UNO. It really is such a great school and I kicked myself in the butt for not going there from the very beginning, it would’ve saved me two years and heartache.

However, every experience I’ve gone through in life has taught me so much and has helped me grow into the person I am today.  Rejection is such a tough pill for me to  swallow. I grew up feeling rejected, which is why after the third rejection, I felt like my life was over.  As I’ve grown up, I have realized that you cannot outgrow hurts in your life.  You’ve got to face them, work through them, and then move passed them. Grow from them and learn how to better deal with the obstacles that come your way.

Since I became a mom and my daughters are growing up, they watch me, and look up to me, I am more intentional with the things I say/don’t say.

Lately, my eldest says “but mom, I can’t!” I really loathe the word “can’t.”  I make sure to tell her that she can. I encourage her, explain to her how to work through her problem and when she succeeds, I tell her “see, I told you you could do it! great job!” When she doesn’t, I make sure to still encourage her and tell her to keep trying, I help her and make sure she knows that as long as she perseveres she will succeed.

My prayer for them is that they never have to feel rejected, or like they aren’t good enough.  They really do push me passed my limits and push me to be the best version of myself. I want them to be strong, compassionate, loving girls and women who don’t let fear or negative words affect who they are.  God’s plan for them is big, I know it. The same way that I know God’s plans for me and my family together, are big.

I’m excited to continue blogging and seeing where writing takes me.  I’ve stopped myself in the two years of not blogging out of fear of what people would think of me, but I guess there ain’t nothin’ to it but to do it!

Happy FIRST Birthday my princess!

When I found out I was pregnant, I was in shock. We weren’t planning on trying to get pregnant for another year. I wasn’t so sure how Sam would react, because he wanted to wait as long as possible, but I’ve always been a “mom” and have always been nurturing, so I wanted a baby as soon as we got married, ha! I began googling/pinterest-ing cute ideas to tell your husband you’re expecting. That day he just so happened to stop by the house to pick something up, and I freaked out and he looked at me as if I had done something wrong, which I probably had a guilty look on my face. He was also on the phone, so he couldn’t really talk to me, but I showed him the positive test and he thought I was joking, but he still hugged me and smiled. Shortly after, he called me asking if that was for real, I said yes, and he was so happy ( I didn’t doubt he would be)! That was not the ideal way I wanted it to go, but that’s how it happened! So many emotions went through our minds, but at the same time, nothing else mattered but this new little life that was growing inside of me. My heart was so overwhelmed with joy, and all I could do was praise God for this miracle. A few days after finding out, I had gone to the bathroom and noticed I was bleeding. I got so scared and I went to the ER. The whole time I was praying that I wasn’t having a miscarriage. The worst feeling was not knowing, because after being examined, they told me only time could tell if it indeed was a miscarriage, because it was still so early. That was a Friday, and I had to wait until Monday to go to my doctor and get more blood work done to determine whether my numbers increased or decreased. We were so uneasy, and we decided to let our family know what was going on and for them to keep us in prayer. It felt like the longest weekend! Sam, met me at the doctor and thankfully, the numbers had doubled!! To make a long story longer… just kidding… short, fast forward TEN, NOT NINE, (women, someone lied to us because pregnancy lasts 10 looong months just so you know) months later, on November 5, 2013 at 8:52 AM, I gave birth to my absolutely beautiful little girl, Ava! Oh the joy, the unexplainable joy that we felt when we laid eyes on you… Tears stream down my face as I type this, because you changed our world for the better. I knew the love of God in a completely different way. The way we see you is the way he sees us, but even more HIS love for us can’t compare! As I reflect on our life this past year, you have taught us so much, we’ve grown as adults, you’ve taught us patience, selflessness, to love better… and YOU have grown! You are so smart, sweet, and silly. Every day you make us laugh with something new that you do. Your laugh and smile is contagious, we could be sick or having a crummy day, and you put the biggest smile on our face! God has huge plans for your life, and daddy and I pray for wisdom to lead you and guide you in HIS path. That you grow to be a strong woman, not swayed by the things of this world and fulfill God’s will and purpose for your life! We are excited to keep watching you grow and pray to be the best parents we can be! We love you princess!! HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY BABY GIRL!!IMG_0564IMG_0832

Sleep (Part 2)

I really miss blogging, even though I’m new to this, and have only posted a few blogs, I miss it. I really find it relaxing to write what’s on my mind, how I’m feeling, and things I’m currently or have gone through in the past. I believe my second or third blog post was about how I wasn’t ready to let Ava sleep in her own room, and at four months, I’m still NOT READY! I didn’t think it would be so hard for me to do this! Before I had her, Sam and I had a game plan of how we were going to “sleep train” her and that we’d only have her sleeping in our room for the first 2 months… blah blah blah! I just love her so much and I love having her sleep next to me. It gives me a sense of peace. So, she’s four months now and she has started developing her personality a little bit (I love it). This past week, she’s been giving me trouble for bed time. When it’s approaching, I change her into her pjs, I feed her, and she’ll usually fall asleep while she’s still at the breast. I pull her away and bring her to my shoulder for a few minutes, and I would then bring her to our room and lay her down in her bassinet. That has worked up until recently. Now, when I go to place her in her bassinet, she immediately wakes up. It isn’t until the third try that she doesn’t wake up. Some might say that I should leave her in her bassinet and she’ll fall right back asleep, but I just feel the need to hold her and pat her back to sleep. But I feel like she may be getting a little to used to it, like she’s catching on that mommy will pick her up the moment she makes a peep. I don’t want her to get spoiled in this way, so tonight, I’m trying something new. She fell asleep after her feeding, and I did the usual routine. She woke up, I picked her up, repeated, she woke up again, I picked her up. So, I decided to try again with the nunie at bed time. She really doesn’t like the thing, but why not try to see if she’ll use it to soothe herself to sleep. I can tell you right now, that the experiment is failing as she is currently crying haha… We are first time parents, so I figure we should do trial and error with her sleep routine to find what works best. And I want what’s best for my little princess! So, we’ll see how this whole thing works out! 

Ava is 3 months!

My little princess is 3 months today! I cannot believe how much she’s grown in such a short time and how she’s reaching milestones. She just brings so much joy to our hearts. In honor of her 3 month birthday, I want to share a letter that I wrote to her when she was 1 month.

My dearest Ava,

Words cannot begin to express just how much I love you. Though we’ve only known each other for a month, I already love you enough for a hundred lifetimes! Every day is a new adventure with you as I learn what each sound is and when you start to get hungry, are about to cry, or you just want to be held. I’m not going to lie, it has been a struggle at times to be patient in learning you and learning how to be a better mom every day. Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing a good job, but I’m quickly reminded that through struggles I grow and we grow together. It is a learning experience, that I would never trade! Not to mention how amazing daddy is at being such a great support and constantly reminding me that I am doing a great job. Also, how amazing God is and how faithful and gracious he has been. Not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for blessing us with you and bc you’re a healthy, beautiful and sweet baby girl. You have already made such an impact in our lives and I can’t wait to see you grow and impact others. My prayer for you is that you will be a leader and a light to those around you. I know that God already has great plans for you and I can’t wait to see you flourish into an amazing woman of God! I want you to know that no matter what, I will always be here for you, I will always love you, I will listen to you and encourage you. My arms will always be open for hugs, and my heart for sharing. But for now, as you continue to grow and develop your personality and reach your milestones, I will take each moment in because I don’t want to miss a beat! I love you to the moon and back my sweet Ava Berlyn!

With all my love,
Mommy ❤️

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